“f**k human trafficking.” — Eugene Cho

My sons and I were talking about “dirty words” recently, and someone mentioned that we don’t say the f-word in public. Of course, the littlest one said “Why?” I told him that some people are scared of that word, and they get upset when they hear it. Again, “Why?”

“We don’t know why,” I told him, “but we don’t want to scare them, right?”

It made sense to me at the time, but later, one of the older ones gave me something to think about.

“Actually, my friends are more afraid of people who refuse to say ‘fuck’ than of people who say it.”

I’d never really thought of it that way, but it sure makes sense. Because what are we saying when the f-word is conspicuously absent from our speech? Are we being pious? Setting a “good example”? Demonstrating that we’re better?

What about adults who use the word around other adults, but try to give kids the impression they would never do such a thing?

“Ever notice the look of terror on somebody’s face when they swear in front of a pastor?” — Ken Loyd

What message does it send if my friends who live outside have to clean up their language to speak to me, or to feel “good enough” for me… or for God?

I have experienced what Ken is talking about, and I realized that the only way to get around it was to stop being so damn prissy. It worked. My friends are much more willing to share with me now that I use language that feels normal and common to them (and to me, really).

“Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men, to be seen by them.” — Jesus

What does it say to God when we cuss in private, but speak carefully in public? Do we think God doesn’t hear us at home, or wherever we feel “safe” saying “fuck”? Isn’t this what our Brother advises against? Putting on a show to appear holy in public?

“I think we get caught in this idea of pleasing God rather than trusting God. And I think once you learn to trust God, it’s a lot easier to please God.” — Jay Bakker

I think as parents (and as pastors) our job/joy is to reflect God’s love and grace as best we can. I want my kids (and the people who look to me for pastor-stuff) to trust me not to judge them, to trust me to hear what’s really alive in them. Why? Because I think trusting me can help them trust God.

I don’t want them to present a different face to me than they present to other people. I don’t want them to lie to me, or pretend to be something they’re not. I want real connection, and that’s why, when it’s called for, I say “fuck.”

What about you? Do you ever say “fuck”? When? If you don’t, why not?